Secret Cinema (SC): News

[Len]

Staff wanted

Yup. We’re looking for a code monkey to join our team.
We’d prefer a living one for reasons of practicality, though.

Yeah. If you feel you’re up to it. And got what it takes, are prepared to work long hours for no pay at all and like to deal with the tormenting customers like the ones we are...

Don’t hesitate! Drop us a line. We’ll be glad to call you one of us. On some terms not properly disclosed now. We’ll send you a ten page legal document to sign, and basically, sell your soul over to us in return. Did I say there’s no pay? There’s no pay. All monies are forever belong to us. Harrr!

It’s fun though! And people are generally happy with anything you’d do here for them. So why not join us? Fun! Instant gratification. That type of reward! A good cause!

Some experience in PHP, and various other three letter acronyms might be handy. Just to actually be able to really do something. Again, for reasons of practicality.

Oh. Did I mention we need at least three letters of recommendation from upper management of one of the internet giants? We do. And we are aiming for someone who’s spent at least five wasted years on a worthless PhD. Not necessarily in computer sciences, but anything related will do. Even a doctoral in comparative linguistics in any of the dead languages counts.

But...

Don’t bother to respond if you are anything near ethical. Or have a high standard in morality otherwise. That kind of thing gets nobody nowhere. Not soon. Not here.

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Bye now! Hope to see you soon at the job interview. Erm...

Which will be on Skype, instead of at our shiny new headquarters on Avenue Foch, No 34 (et 3, rue Le Sueur): hôtel Blumenthal, dit également de Montmorency, Paris, France. Yep, that’s across the road from the Yacht Club de France, where we usually hang out during the day. Most of it, anyway. Having fancy cocktails with expensive prostitutes in cocktail dresses... hands on their knees, and gently stroking... Ah, the smell of rosy perfumes on their necks. The air... hmmm. Lungs filled with the fumes of Gauloises. The strong ones. The forbidden...

I digress.

Ah. One more thing. Also required are some basic telephoning skills, and you’ll be asked to sometimes do some cleaning of the offices. Not much, but certainly after hours. Also unpaid. All offices! Even the pavement. And sometimes we sent you out on funny errands to get us something that doesn’t exist, like chocolate flavored wine. Or something like that.

And once a week you’ll have to wear the banana suit out in the street. Just for laughs.

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Yeah. That’s about it - SysOp wanted: dead or alive. Alive ones, preferably. One.